


a reckoning falls upon him

by unctna



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Langst, M/M, Magic, quintessence bullshit probably, they all have a little elemental magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-18 03:59:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10608840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unctna/pseuds/unctna
Summary: Lance struggles with the concept of emotional competency.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HEY I ADDED A SCENE TO THE FIRST CHAPTER LMFAO i was going to split up the prologue into two parts but i just wanted to keep it as one big ol chapter, hope yall like it!!

“Lance, please just focus for once,” Shiro asked with his brand of soft and stern disapproval. He was pinching the bridge of his nose and Lance had to look away when he felt wetness behind his eyes.

Couldn’t he see Lance was _trying?_

Emotions kept pushing up and out, and it felt like concrete dripping down and hardening as he worked overtime to keep any tears from escaping. His reaction time became even slower, his thoughts jumping out of grasp, leading to panic. He could feel them _staring,_ annoyance and a contemptuous confusion thick in the air. Pidge yelled out his name and suddenly one of the gladiator bots had him falling on his back, knocking all the air out of him.

He could hear Allura call out an end to the training sequence exasperatedly as he arched in pain, rolling over and praying no one saw the tears escape his eyes.

“Ah, my bad guys,” Lance chuckled humorlessly. He pulled the collar of his underarmor shirt up over his eyes and pretended that he was wiping the sweat off his forehead. “Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, we can try again.”

“Make sure you get your beauty sleep tonight then,” Keith’s voice came from above. “We can’t have you holding the team back.”

That was unexpected.

Hunk and Shiro quickly stepped in to soften the blow but Lance didn’t feel the blow to begin with, he just wanted to get to his room as fast as possible. Besides, Keith was just saying what they all thought.

Lance would always have to work twice as hard to catch up. He was just a cargo pilot, not a defender of the universe. His role was just to fill in an empty spot until someone better came along.

“Yeah I’ll make sure to, boss man,” Lance said tiredly, grinning to dissuade Hunk’s concerned looks. “I’ll drink some space tea or something.”

“How about you go rest, we’ve trained long enough for today,” Shiro said. He reached out a hand to pull Lance up, patting him on the back for good measure. Lance didn’t have to fake the smile he gave Shiro.

“Lance,” Allura called out over the intercom. “Please come see me before you go to rest.” The prospect of having to pretend he wasn't on the verge of crying for another conversation got Lance’s heart racing. He just wanted to disappear into his bed. The others were already starting to disperse, Hunk patted his shoulder on his way out and Pidge was already heading towards their room. Lance smiled at Hunk and took a deep breath, reigning in his emotions before they went wild.

The feeling was like ice crystallizing in his chest. He was cool and collected.

“Princess,” Lance greeted with a grin once he saw her. “What’s good?” She smiled politely, which gave Lance some hope he wasn’t about to get a dressing down.

“Lance, I know you want to rest, this will only take a short while. I wanted to talk about your recent… downturn in performance.” And it was so quick, like a cut so thin that he barely felt the sting. It would hurt more later, he knew. Lance felt a humorous smile appear on his face.

“Really? Would you suggest some one on one training, Princess?” The smile dropped off of Allura’s face and Lance vaguely knew he was absolutely wrecking this conversation.

“No, I’m suggesting that you fix whatever is causing you to perform so subpar,” She shot back, obviously annoyed. Lance stopped smiling and Allura continued in a softer tone. “We all know you are capable of better, else you would not have been chosen as a paladin of Voltron. It is your first priority to make sure you are putting your best effort into your performance, in and out of combat. If you need any help, we are a team. You can confide in us.” Lance nodded.

“I just need to start getting more sleep is all, Platt keeps waking me up,” He cracked a smile and hoped it would lighten the mood. Thankfully, Allura granted him a genuine smile for his efforts.

“I will have to talk to him, those mice are quite mischievous,” she said. “You may go now, Lance. Rest well.” Lance nodded in acknowledgement, and kept nodding as he made his way out the door. He was going to nod his head off.

The moment the door to his room slid open, Lance felt the facade start to crack and peel. He let himself fall onto the bed, and ragged breaths were torn from his throat as he struggled not to cry. He didn't want to cry, or to be weak, or to hold the team back. It all happened anyways.

It was just so _much._ There was the expected sadness, but there was also the overwhelming frustration, anger. It was a brick weighing directly on his heart. The pressure only began to dissipate as he shoved his face into his pillow, letting it escape through big fat tears and icy sharp breaths. He wanted to be enough for his team, he wanted to be a good paladin, but there were no methamphetamines in space. Distraction felt all consuming and not enough in the same breath.

It must have been hours by time his breathing finally regulated into something steady. His eyes were puffy and irritated from his hands constantly wiping at them. The thoughts inside his head were a cacophony, clamoring for his focus. It made him feel like he couldn't even control his own mind. Lance groaned in frustration, an enormous headache beginning to form. He wouldn't be sleeping any time soon. If he'd been an ounce more desperate, he would've borrowed Pidge's headphones again. The sounds of the ocean would play, and he could pretend that he was back home. It was easier back then, living by a sunny beach in Cuba. Simple, even. His behavior could be laughed off due to his age and he had his family there by his side, always accepting.

As much as he appreciated his team, they weren’t family. Hunk was the closest thing he had, but he had his own problems to deal with. Lance wouldn’t make him take on the role of caregiver, when all he had were petty problems and a knack for complaining. It would feel like taking advantage of someone he held dear, and he couldn't do that.

Lance stretched and rubbed a hand over his face, exhausted. He knew the tears would come back if he didn't find something to distract himself. The feeling of uselessness was creeping up on him, strong as ever, so he forced himself to his feet. If he couldn't help the team, then maybe he could help someone else.

* * *

“Coran!” Lance greeted, crouching down. He was scrubbing the floor of the medbay and humming a tune when Lance walked in, but he looked up at the sound of his voice. “Need any help?”

“Of course,” Coran smiled. “There's always something to be cleaned. Although I _am_ rather suspicious of your offer…”

“What? Me, innocent cherub, Lance McClain?” He responded with mock offense, and a grin came easy to him. “Why, I don’t even know what an ulterior motive is, my dearest Coran!” His efforts lauded him a loud laugh and a pat on the back, and it was nice. Talking to Coran was easy. Slowly, the thoughts of holding the team back were replaced with bad jokes and the smell of Altean cleaning solutions. It felt like a miniature freedom.

“Well if you want busywork, I’m the last one to stop you. Everyone seems to forget the importance of cleanliness!” Coran said, standing up to grab supplies for Lance. Soon enough, he was armed with a sponge in one hand and a bucket in the other. He settled onto his knees, and let his thoughts fade away into the motions of the sponge. 

Hours seemed to pass like minutes. It always did with things like this. Repetitive motions blurred together and made time feel jumbled, so he wasn't all that surprised when he found himself in a part of the castle he wasn't familiar with. He'd only stopped at the approaching sight of Keith and Pidge, feeling slightly embarrassed to be caught scrubbing floors on his hands and knees. Part of him wanted to stand, but he didn't want to wait there awkwardly for them to reach him. Instead, he kept scrubbing as the sound of their boots became louder.

“Uh, Lance?” Keith asked, sounding more inconvenienced than curious. Lance looked up, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead and staggering to his feet.

“Oh hey, buddy! Where’re you guys headed?” He asked, a little breathless from the labor and feeling incredibly more insecure at the sound of Keith's indifference. 

Pidge narrowed their eyes and Lance got a good look of concern before they responded. “It’s time for dinner, man. Have you been cleaning all day?” It took a couple of times to repeat the words in his head before it registered. Had that much time really passed? Lance tried to hide his surprise as best he could.

“Nah, nah, just wanted to help Coran out a bit. Guess I’ll just put this stuff away and get my food goo fix,” Lance smiled stiffly, shifting his weight from one side to the other. His knees were killing him.

“Um. Okay. You do that, dude,” Keith awkwardly responded, staring at him for a moment before following Pidge down the hallway. Lance put his hands on his hips and stared at the ceiling for a moment, just breathing and listening to the fading footsteps of his teammates. He almost wanted to hide from the rest of the team. The thought of seeing them filled his stomach with nervous knots, and it made him feel endlessly silly. He wasn’t even hungry, he just wanted to keep cleaning. Lance hated cleaning with a passion, but it was one of the only tedious and repetitious tasks he could do, and it was satisfying enough to a certain degree. The only thing that stopped him from continuing his path to cleanliness was a strong wave of sleepiness, strong enough that it gave him hope he could fall asleep if he tried.

“Okay, bud, food first and then sleep,” Lance told himself, gathering the cleaning supplies to return to Coran. It would be good for him to talk with everyone, and even better for him to get some sleep.

* * *

Dinner was… Eventful, at the very least.

“Look, all I’m saying is--”

“We get it Keith, I know I’ll never be as good--”

“That’s not what I--”

“Hey who farted--”

“Ugh, I’m not even hungry anymore--”

“Can’t you just try? Everyone else is trying to improve, what’s your problem?” Keith’s raised voice cut through the bickering and silence fell upon all the paladins. Allura had already left in frustration, her bowl of food goo untouched.

Lance breathed in. He breathed out. He counted back from ten, and then spoke.

“I know you don’t really mean that,” He smiled naturally, but his tone was cool. There was a thick filter wrapped around his head and nothing could touch him there.

“Lance, I’m serious, stop joking for five seconds and just--” Keith cut himself off, voice raising until he had almost been yelling. Shiro put his hand on his shoulder in reassurance. Lance felt his heart grow icy at the display of camaraderie, though he was too far gone to consider why.

He was angry.

“Of course,” Lance laughed mirthlessly, hands clenched into tight fists. “Okay, noted. You guys all agree, right?”

Hunk winced and put a hand up, “I mean, you have been trying. Maybe… Well-- I mean, we all need to try more, right?” Lance felt his face go blank. He knew Hunk meant this in the best way possible, but he still wanted to scream.

Lance was trying _so hard._

“Actually,” Pidge started from their place at the table. “I’ve been putting forth my best effort, so leave me out of... whatever this is.”

“Not helpful, Pidge,” Shiro said quietly, a stern expression on his face. He said nothing to correct Keith though, probably had even nastier thoughts hidden behind his leader face. He wasn’t going to win this fight, he already could see that. Lance smiled.

“You’re right Keith,” Lance allowed, voice normal as ever. “I... have been falling behind. I’m sorry for getting worked up, my first instinct was to get defensive is all. Everybody hates a critic, eh?” He cracked another smile to see what it got him.

It got him stares.

“Um.” Keith responded eloquently. Shiro jumped back quicker.

“It’s nothing personal, Lance,” He nodded, voice soft and paternal. “We just need to make sure everyone is up to speed, we need to stay on our toes if we ever want to defeat Zarkon.”

“Yeah, I know,” He mumbled, looking down at his fists and deliberately releasing them. Lance needed to stay on brand, he needed to redirect the conversation. “Man, I can’t wait to get my hands on his purple hiney,” he grinned, wrapping an arm around Hunk. “Once I get up to par, beating him will be a _breeze!_ ” Shiro raised an eyebrow and stood up to put his bowl away. Keith… growled? And Pidge rolled their eyes, but Hunk laughed and agreed and suddenly everyone was talking about something else.

Lance allowed himself a calculated sigh, slow and quiet as he played with his goo. He took a few bites before he gave up, smiling at a joke Hunk made and getting up to put his bowl away. Sleep would be a blessing.

* * *

He was wrong about the whole sleep part.

Lance dreamed of the ocean depths, the places where the light didn’t reach him. It was almost like outer space, except there weren’t any stars, there was no Castle, there was no Voltron.

He was alone, sinking and breathing in the salty water.

There’s a flash of red, bright enough to shine through the murkiness. It was a fish, hooked to a line, pulled up so fast that Lance barely caught a glimpse before he was in the dark again.

He woke up in a pool of sweat.


	2. one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now we fast forward to the end of season 2. hope yall like it!!

Shiro was gone.

Keith and Pidge took it the hardest, both losing even more family. Allura blamed herself and become reserved. Hunk and Lance were both devastated as well, but they worked together to try and pick up the pieces.

Lance’s method was a bit more self destructive than Hunk’s.

Hunk tried his best to cover everything, he would sit there and listen, cook them all the best meals he could out of what they had, and always gave the best hugs. After the third day of Shiro being gone, Lance started sleeping in Hunk’s room, needing the comfort of another human being. The floor was cold and uncomfortable but the white noise was a blessing and Hunk was never afraid to show affection. It also let Lance needle Hunk into venting, he only needed a shoulder to cry on and Lance was more than okay with providing that for him.

When it came to keeping the team together, Lance took on the role of younger brother. He pestered and invaded their space when he noticed they were looking a little too despondent, gave them an outlet for their pent up emotions. It was usually anger. When they found water pouches and bags of food goo later, Lance would already be an afterimage in their mind. It was the easiest way he found, any outright concern would be demoralized. No one liked pity, and it’s  much easier to accept help when no one’s looking.

If this meant outbursts that usually hit closer to home than Lance would’ve liked, he would be fine. It was better than the team falling apart completely.

“Paladins,” Allura’s voice came from the intercoms. “I require your presences on the bridge immediately.” Lance looked up from his spot on the kitchen floor, watching Hunk put down the whisk. Space whisk.

“Oh jeez,” Hunk whispered. “What do you think it could be? She hasn’t called for a meeting since, like…”

“Yeah,” Lance whispered back. Right after the Black Lion had been found empty, they had an emergency meeting that devolved into yelling (and crying) as they all scrambled to make sense of Shiro’s absence. It had been two weeks since then. “It’s probably a distress call or something. Don’t worry, man,” Lance said, still whispering as he stood up to wrap an arm around Hunk’s shoulders. His anxiety spirals had been occurring more frequently, this would be the worst time for one.

“Okay, thanks dude,” Hunk nodded. “Hey, why are we whispering?”

“You started it,” Lance whisper shouted, beginning to walk backwards in the direction of the bridge. “Can’t stop now!” Lance grinned and Hunk laughed as they made their way towards Allura.

They ended up being the last ones there, Allura looking coldly displeased but making no comment. Pidge had some sort of handheld, tapping wildly while Keith stared at the ground with his arms crossed. They both looked out of sorts, bags under their eyes, but they at least were keeping their weights at a healthy level. Lance took what he could get.

“Paladins,” Allura began diplomatically, enunciation crisp and clear. “The Empire has shown obvious signs of inner conflict, although they remain a formidable opponent if we do not strike soon. There are factions that have splintered off from their main force, warlords hoping to continue in Zarkon’s footsteps.”

“Who’s leading their main force?” Lance asked after a pause of silence in the room.

“We believe Zarkon had an heir, though we do not know who. I think the accession was unofficial in nature, which would explain the inner conflicts causing so many branches splitting off of the main Empire. We--”

“Whoever this new guy is, we need to end him asap,” Keith interjected, voice hoarse and angry.

Allura gave him a cold glare. “We have cut the head off of their Empire, but we still cannot underestimate their remaining forces. This new leader could be just as dangerous, and we cannot afford such a risk right now.”

“I mean, we have to do something, right?” Hunk asked nervously. “They’ll just think we like, went into hiding. Or died. Or something.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure most of these galaxies are catching on to Zarkon’s defeat,” Pidge spoke, looking up from their handheld. “I’ve been seeing what I’m sure is the equivalent to news from all over the place, and while I can’t read any of it, the pictures are all showing Zarkon’s busted ship. There were a couple of pictures of Voltron, but I can’t tell if what they wrote about us was good or bad.”

“Either way, we should focus on like… Castle repairs and stuff. Right?” Lance responded, looking to Allura. “And we can hit some of the smaller warlords with our Lions, we don’t need Voltron for that.”

“And we can continue to free planets,” Hunk added, “It should be easier now that the Empire is weakened.”

Allura nodded in agreement. “Coran is still with the Olkari, negotiating for parts and replacements, so it shouldn’t be more than a few quintants before the Castle is on it’s way to full performance.”

“Hey,” Keith grunted. “Are we just gonna forget about Shiro? He’s still out there. I _know_ it.” His voice sounded raw. Lance tried not to frown. Allura whipped her head in his direction.

“How-- How _dare_ you insinuate I have forgotten about the black paladin?” She shouted incredulously. Her professional demenour crumbled away instantly and Lance saw tears form in her eyes. He felt Hunk look away. “I have spent the past _two spicolian movements_ spending every waking moment thinking of ways to find Shiro, to bring him _home._ We all have. But now we must remember we have a _universe_ to defend, and that will _always_ be a top priority,” Allura yelled raggedly. Her finger had been raised accusatory towards Keith, but she lowered it when she heard his ragged breathing, continuing in a softer tone. “I am certain we will find him. I am certain that he will return to us. But until we have a shred of evidence pointing to where he is, we must look to where we are needed most. You are allowed to grieve. You will not be left behind, paladin, but remember your role in this universe. Your duty.”

Keith took off running.

“I…” Allura looked at the spot Keith stood. “I am sorry paladins. My intentions were to organize, not lecture.”

“Don’t stress it, Allura,” Lance responded softly. “Keith needed to hear it. He’ll be fine, he just needs time to decompress.” Lance knew the feeling all too well.

“If that’s all we needed to be here for…” Pidge trailed off, looking at the exit longingly and back to Allura questioningly.

“One more thing,” Allura said after a moment of recollection. She seemed calm but not as closed off as she was before, Lance was comforted by it. “We will need to configure Lion reassignments once the need for Voltron arises.”

This wasn’t going to be good.

“Wait, what?” Hunk spoke first, confused more than incredulous.

“Do we have to?” Pidge asked, attention back on Allura. Their voice was dark and despondent. Lance felt the same thing, knew why.

Reassigning the Lions felt too much like defeat. It felt like they were giving up on Shiro.

“It will only be temporary, until Shiro returns of course,” Allura continued. “We may not need Voltron for a while yet, however we will all need to be bonded with our lions and that will take time. We should prepare as soon as possible.”

“Wait,” Lance interjected, hand on his hip and finger raised. “Did you just say _we_?”

“So you’re going to be the new black paladin?” Hunk asked, sounding uncomfortable. “You’re the captain of the Castle though--”

“Of course I will not be the temporary black paladin,” Allura cut in before Hunk could continue. “Only if I am the sole person the Black Lion will accept, it will rely almost entirely on the Black Lion itself.”

“I don’t like this,” Pidge intoned darkly, handheld clenched at their side.

“Are you sure this is completely necessary, princess?” Lance asked nervously, feeling out of balance. His connection with Blue was one of his most sacred things, he didn’t want to lose her. She was his last piece of Earth, one last reminder of home.

Home.

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t dream of putting you all through such emotional stress,” Allura responded, assuring and calm. “We don’t need to do this now, however, we can wait until the Castle repairs are finished. Training will be put on hold as we direct all of our focus to getting the Castle up to peak performance. Until Coran returns, you are all free to continue your rest.”

They all nodded in acknowledgement and started to file out the room. Lance was surprised at how lenient Allura was being, usually she was the one to force as much training as possible on them. Lance appreciated it though, tensions were too high to get any decent practice in.

“So,” Hunk heaved, walking by Lance’s side. “Wanna go see if those cookies are edible?”

Lance hummed in deliberation before shaking his head, “Nah maybe later, dude. I should go check on Keith, make sure he doesn’t burn something.” He grinned and looked at Hunk, only to see confusion.

“You? I mean-- Well… Like, it’s Keith, dude,” Hunk laughed, confused expression still painted on his features. “Why are you acting all grown up?”

Lance laughed too, running a hand over his face while he thought of an answer. He used to be the comic relief, but that usually meant getting on everyone’s nerves for every chuckle he got. It was great for redirecting attention, but all the fun drained out of it when he started to feel the weight of everyone’s contempt. Now with Shiro gone, he was left scrambling to fill the gap in whatever way he could, and the whole immaturity spiel didn’t quite have the same appeal anymore. Before, Lance had no role other than occasional sharpshooter and class clown, but now he felt the yawning hole Shiro left and he just wanted to keep the team together in anyway he could.

“I don’t know it’s just…” Lance contemplated lying, but there was no point. “Before Shiro disappeared, I didn’t have a role. I was just kind of there.” Hunk tried to interrupt to argue that point, which Lance appreciated, but he quickly continued. “Not that that’s a bad thing, honestly! Like, it was great just trying to cheer everyone up. But I mean… Now it’s like, I feel like I can actually help? If I just give everyone an outlet and try to keep us together…” He trailed off, hoping Hunk would understand.

“So you’re like, the older brother now?” Hunk said, realization dawning on his face. “Fun and games but _also_ caring!”

“Oh my god man, you are so close,” Lance laughed. “I’m totally the younger brother. I’ll annoy the crap out of everyone and use my ninja skills to leave food and water where they least expect it.”

“I’m the youngest of three, and I’ll have you know the younger siblings are always innocent,” Hunk announced with a finger raised.

“Oh, BS,” Lance laughed, knocking Hunk’s shoulder. “As a middle child, the youngest were hands down the worst!”

“You’re just jealous,” Hunk said grinning. They said their goodbyes as Hunk turned towards the kitchens, and Lance tried to steel himself for the conversation with Keith.

It couldn’t be that bad, right?


	3. two

Keith’s door looked just like the rest of them. Bright grey steel, glowing cyan lights that looked like they were only for decoration. It still felt ominous to Lance.

“Well, here goes nothing,” Lance mumbled, raising his fist to knock.

The door opened before he got a chance to.

Lance jerked back in surprised, raised fist laying flat on his chest. “Quiznak, dude, you scared the bajeezus out of me,” He grinned. Keith didn’t look amused.

“I heard you outside my door. What do you want,” He said hoarsely, face red and puffy. “If you wanna fight, you can fuck right off.”

“What? Nah, nah, I just wanted to talk,” Lance responded nervously, hand falling back down to his side. “Can I come in or…?” Keith stared at him darkly but stepped aside to allow him through. Lance had to blink a few times before he understood, surprised that he even got that far as he walked into Keith’s dimly lit room.

Keith slammed the door shut and turned to send an accusatory look at Lance, obviously waiting for an explanation.

“Oh, um, yeah,” Lance started jerkily. He honestly did not prepare for this at all. “Could we maybe turn the lights up a little bit? I can barely see your face, dude.”

“No.”

“...Okay, that’s fine,” Lance was so out of his fucking depth here. “I just wanted to see how you were doing, especially after that meeting.”

“Since when did you give a shit about me?” Keith grunted, sitting down on his bed. Lance didn’t want to be hovering above him while having a heart to heart, so he just sat down on the floor. It gave him time to think of an answer.

“You’re my teammate, I’ve always given a shit. It was just… Competition was ingrained in us at the Garrison. And… Uh, I was just a cargo pilot until you left. When I was raised to fighter pilot to fill in that gap, no one ever let me forget it. I was constantly working twice as hard just to avoid comparison to one of the best fighter pilots the Garrison had ever seen.” Keith huffed at that. “After a while… I don’t know, it felt like a rivalry almost. It was like, if I hated you, maybe I could be better than you one day. It’s stupid bullshit, I know. I just…” God, Lance was really pouring his heart out. “I want to get over that. We’re a team, and we need each other now more than ever. It’s going to be easier to find Shiro and bring him home if we’re all on the same page, right?”

“How many times did you practice that in your head?” Keith grunted, though there was no venom behind the words. Lance grinned.

“Only about a dozen, no biggie,” Lance crooned, his smile genuine. That whole spiel was complete improv, but he wasn’t above a little lying to make a joke work. “So now that my heart has been laid out before you, you wanna talk about what happened today?”

“Not really,” Keith sighed. Lance could hear the distrust, and he was fine with that.

“It's cool, man. I just want to let you know that I’m here for you, if you ever just need to vent. Also, I know you don’t need me telling you this, but we’re gonna bring Shiro home. No one is gonna forget about him, man.” Keith wouldn’t be able to see it, but Lance hoped his smile made it’s way into his words. There was a moment of silence where nothing was said, nothing needed to be said. It was… nice.

Obviously Lance would have to fuck it up with his big mouth.

“So… You a hugger?” He grinned into the silence, knowing Keith’s answer.

“If you touch me, I’m going to stab you.” He sounded absolutely serious and Lance couldn’t help his laughter. He stood up and hoped he actually did some good and didn’t just annoy the hell out of Keith for no reason.

“Okay, raincheck on the hug then--”

“Lance,” Keith interrupted, prompting Lance to stop in his path towards the door. “...Thanks for... this.” Lance stared at where Keith was sitting, only seeing the outline of his hunched figure.

“No problem man,” Lance responded softly. “My door is always open if you need to talk.”

* * *

The next week went by fast, filled with constant busywork. Hunk and Keith worked on manual repairs while Pidge focused on the tech. Lance… Cleaned. Coran seemed to appreciate it, as he was busy overseeing everything with Slav, so at least Lance was doing something useful.

He was almost through with half the Castle, scrubbing the floors of the pool before he headed to dinner. It was rushed, but he really did not trust an olympic sized swimming pool just chilling above his head, he just wanted to be done as soon as possible.

“Everyone,” Allura’s voice called out from the intercoms. “Please come meet me on the bridge, we require a meeting.” She sounded better, more like her usual self. Lance scratched his head and stretched, leaving the cleaning supplies where they were to make his way over.

He was almost the last one there, Slav coming in a couple of seconds after him muttering about different realities.

“Greetings,” Allura said with a smile once everyone was gathered around her. “As you all know, Castle repairs are practically finished. Because of this, we need to now put our focuses elsewhere. The formation of Voltron will not always be necessary, but it is something we will need in our arsenal if we are to finish off Zarkon’s Empire. Therefore, we will need Lion reassignments to prepare.”

“What,” Keith said eloquently. He didn’t sound as hoarse as he did in the last meeting, but he was distraught all the same. Lance winced, everyone else got a warning except him.

“It will be strictly temporary, until Shiro returns,” Allura tried to reassure, though she sounded slightly unsure herself.

“Are you kidding me?” Keith hissed. “He could still be out there and you’re already moving us around like chess pieces to fill his absence?”

“Hey, the princess has a point dude,” Lance stepped in. “It’s only temporary. We have no way of looking for Shiro, we have to be prepared for anything until he gets back.”

Pidge huffed. “As much as I hate this idea, I have to agree. The universe is in disarray after Zarkon’s fall, the thought of not being able to form Voltron makes me queasy.”

“Uh, yeah, like… There are still a bunch of Galran forces out there wrecking shop,” Hunk continued. “We have to make sure we can still protect these planets.” Lance nodded in support, looking to Keith for his response.

“I’m not giving up my lion,” Keith muttered darkly. Allura sighed.

“Shiro confided in me that he wanted Keith to lead Voltron in case of any absence,” Allura announced. Lance wasn’t surprised, but Keith looked uneasy. “As much as I support his say as the true black paladin, his temporary stand in will be determined by the Black Lion. When that is decided, we will reassign paladins accordingly.” Lance didn’t like this at all. Keith would be the obvious choice for temporary black paladin, but what then? Who would pilot Red?

The walk down to the hangar was tense and uneasy. Lance tried his hardest to crack a joke, but he knew any attempt would fall flat. Every inch of him was desperate to find Shiro down in the hangar, washing dirt off of Black like he was never gone.

When they got there, Black looked… as miserable as a robot lion could look. It hadn’t moved from where they towed her in, on her side and powered down. The particle barrier was up.

“The easiest way to do this will to be thoroughly,” Allura spoke once they were all gathered around the lion. “Keith, I want you to go first. See if the Black Lion will accept you.”

Keith looked at the ground with his fists clenched, taking a deep breath before stepping forward towards Black. He raised a hand and placed it on the particle barrier, head still bowed in concentration. Seconds passed and nothing happened.

The seconds stretched into minutes.

Allura placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered something inscrutable to the rest of the team. Keith breathed hard, and he almost sounded relieved, walking back to where he was standing and avoiding all eye contact. Lance took a gamble and pats him on the back, hopefully a token of reassurance. Keith nodded briefly in acknowledgement.

Allura looked uncertain after Keith’s rejection, looking at him and then to her own hands. She reached up hesitantly, placing her hand on the barrier and closing her eyes. After a few moments, she shook her head and dropped her arm.

“Pidge,” She called. “It is your turn.”

Pidge tried, complaining all the while, and then Hunk tried after them. Hunk was the most relieved after the rejection. Allura asked Coran, but he only laughed and twiddled his mustache before turning her down. They all decidedly ignored Slav's reality rambling.

“Well, Lance,” Allura smiled. “You are the last one.” The team was quiet as he approached the barrier. He wouldn’t be chosen, and that would put the team at a loss as to forming Voltron. Sighing, he reached up and placed his palm on the barrier, already thinking of workarounds to not having a black paladin.

Suddenly he was falling forward, hand stretched out in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sees klance* OwO Whats This ?
> 
> also say hello to black paladin lance for me, love that guy


	4. three

The first thing he thought of was the darkness in his mind. It felt so different from Blue that it took him a second to connect it to the Black Lion’s presence. 

The second thing he thought of was  _ shit  _ metal floors are hard.

He felt blood gushing out of his nose when he looked up to see the Black Lion’s eyes begin to glow.

_ I will protect you,  _ she projected in his mind.  _ Until my partner returns. _

Lance heard his teammates shout behind him and vaguely realized the particle barrier was up again, except he was on the inside.

_ Am I worthy?  _ He thought, face tipped back in awe as he hoped Black heard his question.  _ What about Blue?  _

_ You are borne of the ocean, with depths unimaginable to those on the outside looking in.  _

Lance didn’t know what it meant, too overcome with excitement to do anything but grin at the riddle.  _ Will I keep my bond with Blue? _

_ No.  _

That took the grin off his face. Lance faltered, thinking of his strong connection with Blue. He already felt it fading.

_ She will come back to you when the time comes. _

Lance shuddered. He was overwhelmed, blood dripping down onto his shirt as he stared up at the lion and all he could think of was how this couldn’t be real.

Black answered him by raising up into a standing position, and then lowering her head and jaw to allow Lance to enter. He spared a glance behind him to find his teammates gaping outside the particle barrier, giving them a bloody grin before turning back around and walking into the cockpit.

The only word Lance could use was  _ surreal. _

The cockpit was much bigger than Blue’s, filled with pulsing purple light instead of the soft blue he was used to. While Blue’s presence was a push and pull, ocean waves in his mind, Black was all encompassing, like wind swirling around him. He took a ragged breath.

“Y’know, the winds are always stronger on the water,” He joked breathlessly. “We’ll get along just fine, won’t we?” Lance tried not to feel scared. The Black Lion was  _ speed,  _ it was finesse, it was the center point for all of them. Blue had been lean and headstrong, Lance had fit right at home with her. Piloting Black would take a lot of getting used to.

Black had been quiet as Lance tried his best to adjust to the slightly different control panel. After a few moments he heard her rumbling, as if she was getting ready to take off.

“Hey, we’re not going anywhere right now ol’ girl,” Lance laughed nervously, looking around him as various lights started blinking. “I mean… We can’t, I have to go back and talk with the others--”

The feeling of flight was vastly different to Blue. Lance clutched at the control sticks as hard as he could as he felt her blast off outside the hangar. He knew he should be back on the Castle, talking with the others as they determined what to do next, but…

Flying the Black Lion was fucking  _ fun. _

He heard himself laughing and whooping as he maneuvered them into loop de loops and circled around the Castle. Suddenly, Black took off away from the Castle instead of turning.

“Oh,” was all Lance could say as stars rushed past him. “Are you gonna show me something, girl?” Black’s presence in his mind turned into a frenzy as the stars went by faster and faster.

When they finally stopped, Lance gasped. It was where the battle had happened, the final battle. It was where Shiro disappeared. For a moment, Lance thought maybe Black knew where her paladin went, but he understood soon enough.

The Black Lion was grieving.

* * *

Lance returned to the Castle with a heavy heart. He had bonded with Black over the missing paladin, promising her that Shiro would be found, but it took a lot out of him emotionally.

How was he going to fill Shiro’s role? He didn’t command respect. He had no leading experience. Shiro wanted Keith to be his stand in, not a jumpstart cargo pilot barely capable of keeping his mouth shut. 

He found everyone on the bridge, staring at him with mixed emotions. Keith and Allura looked perplexed, Hunk and Coran were supportive, and Pidge just looked skeptical.

“Um… So, today has been crazy, huh?” Lance tried, rubbing off as much dried blood as he could off his face. “We bonded. Me and Black, I mean.”

Allura hummed in response.

“This is so cool man,” Hunk gushed after a tense moment of silence. “Shiro is gonna be so proud of you when he gets back.” Lance could feel his face turn to one of hope, couldn’t hide it.

“Hah, you think so, big guy?” He asked bashfully, hand raising to the back of his head. “We bonded over Shiro, Black brought me to the battlefield where we fought Zarkon. She’s definitely a whirlwind.”

“Interesting,” Allura responded, still sounding perplexed. “While you were gone, we have decided that I will pilot Blue until Shiro returns to us. She is the most welcoming of new pilots.” That definitely explained how Lance’s sub par ass got on the team in the first place. The thought of Allura piloting Blue was a comfort though, she seemed like a good fit for the lion.

“Well… what do we do now?” He ventured, walking further into the room. “We don’t really need Voltron yet, right?”

“No, but you and I will need to bond with our lions extensively in order to prepare for when we  _ do  _ need Voltron.”

“Right,” Lance nodded, pretending that he processed anything the princess just said. “Yup, of course. Totally, yeah, that makes sense--”

“You’re rambling,” Pidge interrupted, a smirk on their face. Lance huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah well, this is all a bit much, I guess,” Lance grinned. “It’s gonna take some time getting used to it.”

“We don’t have time,” Keith said from where he was standing, pinning Lance down with a stare. “We need to make sure we’re ready as soon as possible, the faster we get this over with the faster we can start going on missions.”

“I agree,” Pidge said as they adjusted their glasses. “There might be information on Galran bases that could lead us to Shiro. I can only do so much from within the Castle.”

Lance nodded fiercely in agreement. “Of course, yeah. We can start going on some easy ones to get used to fighting together like this, that should help with forming Voltron in the future.”

“Yeah,” Hunk grinned, patting Lance on the back in support.

Allura gave them all a soft smile. “If Shiro were here, he would be immensely proud of you all.”

Keith huffed. “If Shiro were here, we wouldn’t have to do this in the first place.” Allura looked pretty close to rolling her eyes.

“Of course,” She responded briskly. “Now if you would all excuse me, I should spend some time with the Blue Lion.”

“Oh, could I come?” Lance asked excitedly. Allura looked like he just tried to flirt. God he was bad at this stuff. “I mean, like… I don’t know, it might make it easier for you if I’m there with Blue? Or something?” 

“Hmm. Perhaps,” She responded, heading out the room. He shared a distressed look with Hunk before quickly following her.

“Hey, uh, Princess,” Lance huffed, trying to keep up. He had long legs and a fast gait, but Allura had the brisk walk of a diplomat and Lance was no match. “I just wanted to talk about… Stuff. Now that I’m the black paladin--”

“Temporary,” Allura corrected, still speedwalking. “Temporary black paladin.”

It took Lance a second to jump back. “I mean yeah of course, uh.” That definitely threw him off. He didn’t want to be the temporary leader, and he definitely didn’t want to be the  _ permanent  _ leader. “Well, I’m no liar, I used to be pretty immature--”

Allura gave him a look at that. “Used to? Is that past tense you’re using there?” That hurt a little. Lance understood it though, he used to be a menace.

“Okay, cool Allura, I just wanted to say that I’m going to try my best to fill this role, as long as I need to. Cause like, I was especially immature towards you, so I just wanted to put that out there. I’m like… Turning over a new leaf!” He smiled and tried to sell it as much as he could. Allura looked amused. 

“That sounds wonderful, Lance,” She smiled. It all felt a little patronizing, but Lance took what he could get. 

Once they reached Blue’s hangar, Lance suddenly felt the push of ocean waves against his skull, filling him with comfort. He couldn’t help his smile, walking up to Blue like he had done so many times before.

“Hey there, pretty girl,” Lance crooned affectionately, laying a hand on Blue’s paw. “I’m gonna miss you.” Their bond was already weak, but he felt Blue’s reciprocation in the back of his mind.

Allura approached her slowly, her footsteps confident and anticipatory. Lance took a gamble and grabbed the Princess’s hand, ignoring her protests and placing it on Blue gently. He felt questioning purrs in his mind and willed Blue to understand.

The eyes of the Blue Lion glowed as she opened her mouth to accept a new pilot.

Allura hummed in astonishment, removing her hand and crossing her arms. “You must’ve had a very strong bond to still be able to communicate,” She commented, sounding like she was in a trance as she looked into the depths of Blue.

“Eh, what can I say,” Lance cracked a smile. “Blue’s just my color.”

“I never noticed how connected you two were,” Allura said, hint of a question in her voice. Lance knew why. Keith and Shiro always had the important missions, always ended up in situations where their Lions were forced to come to their rescue. He wasn’t jealous, was actually quite glad he didn’t have to put Blue through that.

“Well… Me and Blue like to keep it chill, I guess,” Lance grinned, turning to look at Blue. He already missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end is a little awkward cause i didnt want to mess up the flow of the next scene. hope yall liked it!!


	5. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i keep having trouble with writing lance, like if hes not being a funny asshole and doing absolutely nothing it feels out of character. (shakes fist at voltron writers) anyways hope yall like this one!!

Allura had taken Blue on a test run, but confessed that she had been unable to bond with the lion.

“Don’t worry about it, Allura,” Lance waved a hand at her. “Blue is the sweetest kitten out of the whole bunch, she’ll warm up to you eventually.” Allura gave him a smile for his efforts, saying her goodbyes as she headed back  up to the bridge. Lance sighed once she was gone, rubbing at his chest.

He could feel his emotions building, Lance was close to bursting after today. It was late, dinner had long since past and he could feel his stomach roil at the thought of food goo, but he knew he needed to get something in him.

In the kitchen he found Keith hunched over a counter, staring at a bowl of his own food goo as if he could smite it out of existence. He jumped up at Lance’s entrance, looking mildly abashed at being caught.

“Hey buddy,” Lance greeted with a smile. He would fake it ‘til he made it. “Try using the seasoning Hunk found, it’ll make it taste like cotton candy.”

Keith huffed out a skeptical laugh. “Uh. Thanks, I guess.”

“You don’t have to sound so untrusting, y’know,” Lance grinned. “I would  _ never  _ lead you astray!” The sarcasm got him a more genuine laugh, which Lance took as a victory as he prepared his own bowl of food goo. Before he could make an exit, Keith stopped him hesitantly.

“Oh, you’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I’m probably gonna sleep after this so I might as well just eat in my room,” Lance told him, unable to hold back a small smile. The fact that Keith wasn’t taking Lance’s exit as a blessing meant he had to have been making  _ some  _ progress. He wasn’t actually going to his own room though, he still slept on Hunk’s beloved floor for the benefit of both of them.

“Ah. Well. Uh, goodnight, then,” Keith said jerkily, hands curled into loose fists. Lance reciprocated before heading off, feeling warmed by Keith’s lack of animosity. Lance was always the one to start fights, in all fairness, so it made sense.

Hunk greeted him warmly, patting a spot across from him on the bed. “He-ey man! Bring that food goo over to flavor town!” Lance barked out laughter, plopping onto his friend’s bed and criss crossing his legs. “God, today was crazy, huh?”

“Um, hell  _ yes  _ it was, dude,” Lance exclaimed around a mouthful of goo. “I feel like I should be scared of the Ides of March, Allura did  _ not  _ look happy when I got back.”

“Oh yeah,” Hunk agreed. “When the Black Lion took off, she was  _ flabbergasted.  _ I think Keith was too relieved it wasn’t him to say anything.”

“What did Allura say?” Lance asked, anticipation reminding him of the Garrison days where him and Hunk would gossip all night. Now that it was much more serious, it left him with a vaguely sick feeling in his gut.

“Nothing nasty, just like… She couldn’t believe it and stuff,” Hunk reassured, waving a hand. “She was like, ‘That was  _ quite  _ unexpected’ and I was like, ‘Totally saw it coming,’ and then Pidge laughed.” Lance cackled at Hunk’s god awful Altean accent and tried to hide his gratefulness. He honestly thought it would have been much worse. He could handle a little disbelief. 

They continued to gossip for a while, changing topics often. Hunk was complaining about a lack of ingredients when there was a knock on the door.

“Oh jeez,” Hunk whispered.

“Just go see who it is, you big baby,” Lance goaded, pushing Hunk off the bed. When he stood to open the door, Keith was standing there awkwardly. Lance felt his eyebrows raise, he rarely saw Keith and Hunk talking, but he was glad they were getting closer.

“Oh, uh. Hi, Hunk,” Keith greeted stiffly, making brief eye contact with Lance.

“Hey buddy!” Hunk responded, smile evident from his voice. “Do you need something?”

“Um, yeah, I just need to talk to Lance.” 

Hunk turned to look at Lance, surprise written on his features, before responding. “Oh uh, yeah he’s right here. I have to uh… Cook. Something. I have to cook something, I’ll be back in like half a varga,” Hunk rambled, making his way out the door. Lance was totally getting him back for abandoning him like this.

Keith stepped in and allowed the door to shut quietly. Lance stared at him expectantly.

“Ah,” He started eloquently. “You said we could talk. You weren’t in your room.” He looked down at the bedding on the floor and Lance winced in embarrassment, rushing to explain.

“It’s not like, a sleepover thing,” He said, hands waving around in front of him. “I’m just… Used to sharing a room. Also Hunk’s room is always warmer.” Lance had no idea why he felt like such a kid, forcing his hands to rest on his lap. “Come on,” He said, patting the spot Hunk had vacated. “Talk to me, Kogane.”

Keith grumbled as he sat down. “Don’t call me that.”

“Sure thing,” Lance grinned. “What d’ya need, kid?”

“I just,” He paused to run a hand through his hair, making him look even more out of sorts. “It’s Shiro. Everyone seems to be moving on but… I can’t,” Keith bit out angrily, not making eye contact. “I’m always the one to push people and I don’t want to hold the team back, but… He’s out there. I  _ know  _ he’s out there, Lance.” He sounded wrecked.

“Yeah,” Lance said softly. “We all know he’s out there, buddy. Shiro doesn’t give up that easy.” He wanted to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder, but that would feel wrong. Like he was trying to replace Shiro. Lance took a gamble and grabbed Keith’s hand, covering it with his own lanky fingers. “Hey man, look at me.”

Keith was reluctant, but he didn’t look angry so Lance kept his hands locked around his.

“Shiro will come home. He’s not gonna give up, and we’re not gonna give up. I think if I even thought of giving up, Black would eject me into uninhabitable space.” Keith huffed at that and Lance smiled. “Right now, our best bet is continuing our mission, protecting the universe by targeting Galran forces. They might have information that we need to find him,” He smiled hopefully.

“And we need Voltron for that, huh,” Keith muttered down at his lap.

“Well not for all of it, but I mean. Yeah,” Lance answered awkwardly. “It would certainly come in handy for the tougher missions.” Keith didn’t look convinced so he continued. “I know it feels like giving up on Shiro, but we’re just… Temporarily adjusting? And… Doing what we have to in order to find him.” God he was bad at this. Keith sighed and took his hand back, rubbing it over his face tiredly.

“Yeah, I know. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone other than myself,” He grumbled. “Thanks for this, Lance. You’re not half bad after all.” He gave him a small smile and Lance answered it with a grin. 

“I will accept your thanks in the form of a written document stating all the ways I’m better than you--” He got a face full of pillow and couldn’t help his bark of laughter. Keith was halfway to the door when an amazing idea occurred to him. “Wait! Pillow fight?”

The door was shut quickly after that. 

Lance grinned into the empty room. Keith was obviously nowhere near sleepover activities, but he had been warming up to him. Lance made a raincheck on the pillow fight.

* * *

Breakfast had a strange lack of tension. 

Allura was still reserved, but she had been reserved before Lance got chosen for Black anyways. Pidge kept asking him questions and Hunk kept supplying wild theories, and Keith was quiet but he didn’t look half as upset as he did last night. He even cracked a smile at some of the jokes.

“Honestly, just cause I’m in the Black Lion doesn’t mean I have to be the leader,” Lance responded to Pidge’s joke. “Like, Allura is still the big kahuna, I’m just the temp.” He looked to Allura for support and found… disapproval? He heard Keith huff in annoyance from where he sat. Well then. There goes that attempt at maturity.  


“Lance,” She began coolly. “Even though your position is temporary, you need to take responsibility. This isn’t something you can shirk off onto someone else.” Lance blinked. Did she really think he was trying to leave her all the work? He just thought she would appreciate him pointing out the fact that she still had the final say. 

“Oh, um. I mean, of course, yeah,” He scrambled after the silence stretched on uncomfortably. “My bad.” He felt himself smile but all he wanted to do was sink into the floor.

“On that note,” Allura continued. “We should begin training today. In order to effectively form Voltron, you’ll need to reinstate your connections as paladins, and in my case, form a connection with you all.”

“Time for a mind meld!” Coran cheered. Lance thought back to their first attempt and groaned. Opening up his mind would be a difficult balancing act, he really didn’t want the others getting front row seats to his roiling uncertainty. 

His anxiety only got worse when they put the headsets on.

Lance focused on breathing, focused on the push and pull of the tides. The quiet static of the air before a storm, electricity in the air as the darkened clouds pushed toward the shore. 

_ He was just over the edge of 17, there was still cake in the fridge from their little celebration last week. He only got one small gift, one more than he expected, they were already barely making ends meet. Alexa made it for him, small hands cradling it as she offered it up. Lance engulfed her in a hug, small necklace tangled around his hand as his departure date loomed over them. _

_ Lance felt at the shells resting against his neck, painted shades of blue. The beach was empty at night, the fishermen and families gone home. He felt a storm coming, just over the horizon. The winds died down to soft wisps around his exposed skin. Lance felt the heat start to settle in his bones. _

_ Suddenly it was suffocating him, the stuffy air of an enclosed space, so unlike the open breeze he grew up on. Iverson was glaring at him and Lance tried his hardest to ignore how itchy the uniform was. _

_ “The only reason you’re here is because our best pilot got kicked, you better remember that. Maybe you’ll try harder next time, cadet.” _

_ Try harder, all he needed to do was try harder (he was already trying  _ so hard  _ couldn’t they see couldn’t they--) and then he could make his family proud, make his peers jealous, make that asshole Keith feel an inch of what he felt-- _

_ Lance felt a storm coming. _

He gasped as his consciousness sprang back to the present, the room frigid and icy. Lance scrambled to yank the headset off, throwing it on the ground as his breaths billowed out in big white clouds.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i suck at chapter endings lol sorry!! also updates are probably gonna slow down just because im still figuring out the plot. 
> 
> also untrusting is not a word but i do not care. does lance look like he cares? cause he doesnt


	6. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a bit shorter than usual, sorry!! hope yall like it tho, shit hits the fan pretty fuckin hard in this one lol

Lance continued to try and regulate his breathing as he felt the others stare.

Pidge was the first to speak, shivering hard. “Um, what the fuck was that?”

“Yeah dude your eyes-- They were like. Really blue for a second there,” Hunk said, taking off his own headset. “And it’s _freezing!_ ” Lance shuddered, suddenly feeling exhausted.

“I’m wounded,” He grinned weakly. “You’re just now noticing the color of my eyes?”

After that, the world went dark.

* * *

 

His consciousness came back to him in short bursts, cognitive functions flickering in and out. He felt Coran’s hands on him, securing him into a healing pod, saw the glass begin to frost with his breath. For a while, every time he dragged his eyes open there would be someone there watching over him.

The first time it was Coran, fiddling at the settings worriedly. Lance vaguely thought of all the cleaning he’d need to catch up on when he woke up.

The next was Hunk, staring at the pod with his face pinched with stress. When he saw Lance’s eyes open, Hunk’s face lit up in a bright smile and Lance was drowned with guilt and shame. He didn’t know why.

Pidge was with Allura, chatting idly while they checked over the settings. Lance couldn’t move his body, could only open his eyes weakly as he made eye contact with Allura. Her gaze had a dark understanding in it.

The first thing Lance noticed about Keith was his eyes. They were red and irritated and he kept rubbing at them, taking turns at staring at the floor and at Lance. Lance felt the shame return, like acid rising in his throat. Keith saw his eyes open and looked shocked for a moment before his eyebrows lowered in anger.

“When are you gonna wake up?” He muttered darkly, voice distorted by the glass. “Can you even hear me?” Lance didn’t know how to respond, couldn’t talk, blinking and hoped Keith would understand. “Coran is worried. Apparently you keep waking up before you’re supposed to, no matter what he does.” Lance’s eyelids were drooping, looking at Keith and barely being able to process what he had said. Guilt joined his shame like a long lost brother, a vicious cocktail locked in his heart.

 _Try,_ something in him whispered. _Why won’t you try._

Lance felt his heart grow cold in anger. He would never try hard enough and everyone around him knew it. Lance was pathetic, locked in a cage and rendered useless when he was supposed to be their leader. The fact that he was chosen was already a blow enough, the irresponsible Cuban boy who couldn't keep his mouth shut. Lance couldn't even handle the first day of training, ruined it for everyone. He would be holding the team back, they wouldn't be able to form Voltron. The universe was crying out in need while he was taking a glorified nap. He felt ice run through his veins, his body shuddering and jerking as his anger at himself grew until his vision went white.

The glass began to crack and Lance heard his name being called. Ice pushed up to grow into every possible space, encasing his skin in frost and biting into him. Vaguely he could feel blood trickle down his side. All he could feel was _anger._ Anger at himself, anger at what made him that way, anger at all the things he couldn’t change until he couldn't handle it, body arching outward in pain and his mind going blank.

_It was warm and windy outside. Lance had the window open and relished every salty humid breeze that swept across his face. Alexa and Marie were whispering on the floor, brushing each other’s hair and giggling at secrets they shared. Lance wanted to climb out the window, into the night, walk until the cold anger in his mind was melted by the summer breeze. He heard Mateo laughing loudly in his room, with the friends that had humiliated Lance so thoroughly._

_Mateo had laughed with them as Lance hiccuped with the effort to keep his tears at bay, closing his eyes and pretending he didn’t hear the laughter grow louder as tears rolled down his reddened cheeks. It had been hours and still they didn’t leave, Lance was trapped by his fear and anger to even try leaving his shared room. He looked at his younger sisters and wished Angel was there._

_Angel was the oldest, he was the smartest and kindest. He originally shared a room with Lance, was always there to comfort him and understand. Mama said he was too smart for his own good, and Lance agreed. It was his intelligence that got him a scholarship, that made him leave. He was in the states now, dazzling his teachers with the smile he shared with Mama and Lance was just a forgotten fragment in the back of his mind._

_Lance huffed out into the breeze. He was so selfish. Angel had every right to leave. Lance was just too weak to handle anything on his own._

_Mateo and his friends started laughing again. Lance choked on his anger, glaring at the wall they shared and imagined what Angel would do. He would have swept into the room knowing exactly what to do, chastising Mateo thoroughly and embarrassing him in front of his friends. Lance imagined those friends never coming over ever again, imagined Mateo like he used to be, snarky but kind and always willing to help. Now he was mean, with a temper hotter than the summer sands. Mama said it was his coming of age, that it would pass, but Lance didn’t care what it was. He wanted Mateo gone._

_He was still glaring at the wall when Marie started pulling at his shirt._

_“Lance,” She urged, Alexa standing behind her. “The window, Lance.” He looked out into the night and immediately looked down at where his hands were clutching the windowsill. There was frost covering every inch of it, creeping up the sides of the window._

_“It’s cold, Lance,” Alexa said, her eyes dark and inquisitive. “Stop it.” Lance tried, but he was entranced by the ice, how the warm air did nothing to it, how the ocean began to sing in his ears as he drank in the feeling--_

_“I can’t,” Lance whispered, closing his eyes as his mind clutched at the outlet the sea had given him. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Marie whined, her tiny feet stomping as she marched in place._

_“Can you at least try, please?”_

Lance screamed as the glass shattered. His body collapsed through the empty space, landing in an embrace that quickly dropped him to fall face forward. The floor felt warm and his anger began to slowly fade away, leaving a sharp throb in his head. The quickness of it left him gasping, the high tide of his anger bashing against his skull suddenly turning into the gentle waves that waited in the back of his head.

“Lance,” Keith breathed, voice high with worry. “Lance, what happened, what was that--”

“I’m sorry,” Lance moaned brokenly, head turned to the side to look at Keith. In the absence of his fury, hopelessness wasted no time in taking it's place. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I tried, everyone told me to try so I _tried_ I wasn’t angry at you I swear--” He could feel water begin to pool around his head as his chest began to constrict, his eyes began to ache. Lance used the last of his energy to turn his head away from Keith as his body started convulsing in sobs he would not allow to leave his mouth. He could hear Keith stumble away, panicking and muttering something about getting help. Lance wished he stayed, even if it was against his better judgement. He was to the point where one kindly intended touch would send him over the edge, open his big fat mouth to pour out secrets he had kept for so long. Everything in his mind began to rush all at once, multiple contradicting emotions fighting for dominance and all Lance could do was keen into the floor.

The water around him started to rise, warm and ethereal, forcing all his emotions to seep out through his eyes. When it encased his head entirely, he found that he didn’t need to push himself up for air. Eventually, all he could feel was the faint push and pull of the water against him, and the insistence of sleep. Rest. The water sang in his mind a melody he hadn’t heard in years, so similar to the ocean’s call that he almost started to cry again. It called for him, made his eyes closed and lulled him into a deep sleep, a promise of warmth and security just on the other side. Lance could never say no to the water, to the depths that had never failed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry my pacing is certifiably awful!! was gonna spend a bit longer working on this but i rly wanted to get something up today. hope yall liked it!!
> 
> also i definitely spent 5 minutes checking to see if keen as a verb meant what i thought it meant lmao


	7. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i loved writing this chapter, i did a sloppy lil outline so controlling the flow was much easier. this one is muuuuuch longer than the last chapter, it was originally going to be a bunch of scenes but its just one that got way out of hand. oops, i just love hunk and coran, sue me. hope yall like it!!!

Waking up felt like resurfacing from the water at the very last second. Lance gasped, breathing in dry air that shocked his lungs, lights burning. His eyes were dry and it took him a minute of blinking before he could see anything clearly, Coran on the far side of the room scrubbing at a machine that was already spotless and Hunk slumped in a chair beside him. Lance tried to say something but it came out as a grunt, loud enough so that Hunk shot up in his chair. 

“Oh,” he breathed, his big toothy smile lighting up his face. “Lance, buddy! You’re awake!” Lance tried again to respond with any sort of human words but his throat kept working in vain. Hunk, the ever so perceptive savior, noticed and quickly grabbed a water pouch to hand to Lance. It was the best water of his entire life.

“Jesus Christ, I needed that,” Lance croaked. His voice was still sore but the fact that he could talk was a blessing. “Thanks, man.”

“Um, yeah dude,” Hunk laughed, “After all you’ve been through I think the last thing I can do is hand you some water.” By then, Coran had heard them and was starting to wander over, cleaning everything in his path. He looked pensive.

“How long was I out?” Lance asked, feeling weak and weary.

“One spicolian movement!” Coran shouted without looking up from the floor he was scrubbing.

“Yeah,” Hunk agreed solemnly, looking away and back to Lance. “It’s been a week. A long one.”

He had really been out for an entire week? Lance looked at his hands, feeling strange and out of place. He couldn’t even handle one day of being their leader and already he was falling apart. He could hear the faint crash of ocean waves against the back of his skull.

After deciding if he was strong enough, Lance sat up slowly and reached over the side of the bed to hug Hunk. The thick warm arms that wrapped around him in return were so familiarly comforting that Lance felt tears at the back of his eyes.

“What happened?” Lance whispered into Hunk’s collar, praying he could hear him. Lance remembers all too well what happened, the events played over and over again in the back of his mind without consent, but he didn’t know what the others saw, what Keith told him, what happened after the room flooded.

“It was… It was bad, dude,” Hunk whispered back. They stayed like that for a few moments longer before Hunk gently pulled away, leaving Lance to curl into himself on the bed. “I mean, the mindmeld? That was crazy. I think me and Keith were able to connect, but that ended when the room started to freeze. It happened so fast-- Your eyes-- They were like, bright blue. Not Altean blue, but like maybe a little warmer--”

“Hunk,” Lance said gently, intent on hearing the rest.

“Yeah, sorry, uh. Then you were knocked out cold-- Oh God I didn’t mean to make a pun s--”

Lance laughed, the first healthy sound he had made since waking up. “It’s fine, dude, keep going.”

“Okay,” Hunk breathed, smiling. “Well I mean. Yeah. Coran and Allura rushed to get you and they kept talking about stuff I really wish I understood, Altean stuff and other crap. Coran and me helped to carry you to a pod, and that was all fine and good but then like, your eyes kept opening? We didn’t know if you were awake or not and Coran said it was dangerous if you were to wake up too early but his scans showed you were still unconscious. Anyways, that was it for a while, until. Um.” He looked at Lance anxiously, hands folded over each other in his lap neatly. Lance took a deep breath.

He could do this. 

“Keep going, man,” He tried to encourage, a small lazy smile resting at the bottom of his face like a sleeping cat. “I’m gonna need to know what happened eventually, I’d rather you be the one to tell me.”

Hunk smiled hesitantly and ventured on. “It had been about two days with you in the cryopod, I think Coran was practically sleeping in there. If he even does sleep. I’ve never seen him do anything close to sleep, me and Pidge have a bet going that he’s secretly an Altean android--”

“Not an android thingy!” Coran shouted from where he was cleaning. Lance laughed.

“Exactly what an android thingy would say,” Hunk retorted, finger raised in the air. “Oh, and yeah so you were in there for a while and then everything went to shit pretty quickly I think. I don’t know, I wasn’t there, but uh. Keith was in there pretty late, around dinner time, and he just came rushing into the mess hall yelling about the broken cryopod and that you needed help. Me, Pidge, and Allura found you in there and, like… The place was flooding. I’ve never seen anything like it. Like, the water looked like it was just coming out of nowhere. And you…” Hunk looked down at his hands, brows furrowing together. “You were face down, the water was pretty shallow but you weren’t moving. You-- You looked dead.”

Lance breathed hard through his nose, hands clenching as too many emotions began to bang and shout in his head. They thought he was  _ dead.  _ Hunk thought he was dead. How could Lance have done that to them?

“I’m--” He began to apologize, voice small and fragile, before Hunk quickly steamrolled him.

“You were still breathing somehow, thank God, the first thing we did was get you a bed. Medical bed. Or like, a gurney. Are gurneys just for dead people? Oh and then Allura did some weird Altean magic I think, there was glowy stuff and you looked a lot better after she did it. Ever since then, Coran and Allura have been constantly checking on you and writing stuff down. They won’t tell us a lot other than the fact that you’re fine, Keith and Pidge are pissed. I mean, I was too but I was mostly just glad you were okay,” Hunk finished, smiling his special Lance Smile that was only for the brotherliest of brotherly moments.

Lance returned it with his special Hunk Smile, infinitely grateful for a friend as good as Hunk. Before he said anything, he leaned his head back to rest his neck and to avoid eye contact. He was stressed, he could be allowed a little emotional privacy.

“Well,” Lance began, taking a deep breath. “Enough about me. How’s the team been doing?”

“Um, other than visiting you nonstop? Well, team training for like Voltron stuff has been put on hold until you can join, but we’ve been combat training individually pretty regularly. Allura has been weirdly nice about it, so that’s been cool. Sometimes we train together, like me and Pidge or Keith and Allura, and sometimes all together but it feels weird without both you and Shiro.” Hunk scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly, the topic of Shiro still a sore spot for everyone. “Keith usually trains alone though. If he’s not eating or sleeping, he’s training.”

“At least he’s keeping up with necessities,” Lance groused. “Is everyone else eating and sleeping regularly? Will I have to wrangle anybody to get a good night’s sleep?” 

Hunk laughed. “Nah dude I got you covered. Well, with the food at least. Like, I think everyone’s sleeping regularly. They’re in their rooms at night usually, that’s good, right?”

“Usually?” Lance grinned, sitting up to look at Hunk. “All I’m getting from this is that I’m gonna have to do some wranglin’.” After a split second decision, he pulled out his country accent picked up in the desert, still grinning. “Good ol’ fashioned wranglin’, just like my meemaw taught it, ain’t nothin’ can beat it.”

“A classic,” Hunk laughed with his own country accent, as theatrical as it was bad. “Sleep wranglers, that’s what they call us!” Coran finally stood up from his work to shoot them a confused look.

“Ay!” Lance laugh-shouted, flinging a finger in Coran’s direction. “What’re you lookin’ at, young feller?”

“Is this a human thing?” Coran laughed, stepping closer and still looking mildly confused. “Is this something they do on Earth?”

“Well, a’course!” Lance crowed, sharing a grin with Hunk. “Wranglin’s been in my blood for centuries!”

“I still am not quite sure what centuries are but--”

“Is that back talk I do hear with mine ear?” Hunk stood up with a flourish, accent wobbling between British and country. “You watch yerself, you whippersnapper!”

“We’ll wrangle you!” Lance shook a fist at the confused Altean. “We’ll wrangle you good, y’hear?” Hunk doubled over with laughter and Lance dissolved into giggles at the look on Coran’s face, eyebrows up to his hairline and expression between confusion and humor. “Aw shucks, Coran,” Lance smiled. “I’m only pullin’ yer leg.”

“I am increasingly confused as this conversation goes on,” Coran responded, one of his eyebrows dropping to leave the other raised dubiously. Lance was pretty sure he saw a grin underneath his mustache. “Regardless, I need to do a check up now that you’re awake. Hunk, my wonderful yellow paladin, I must kindly ask you to leave temporarily.”

“No prob, Bob,” Hunk said still laughing slightly, wheezy as he wiped at his eyes. “I’ll catch you later, Lance buckaroo.”

“Warn the others,” Lance called out after him. “There’s a wranglin’ a’comin’!” He smiled as he heard Hunk’s laughter in the halls. Coran grinned and sat down in Hunk’s chair, scooting it a bit closer and pulling out some sort of gadget.

“This will just tell me the basics,” He said as he runned the device over Lance’s figure, hovering just above the blanket. “In case of anything that might have sprung up. We’ve already completed more extensive tests--” Lance blanched a little at that. “Nothing too intrusive, I assure you!” Coran rushed to finish. “Those gave us nothing though, and testing you again won’t change anything. So, just the basics for now.”

“This is it?” Lance questioned, looking at the device that was scanning his toes. “Why’d you make Hunk leave, then?” Coran’s face darkened for a second before the device started beeping, disrupting the conversation.

“Oh, here we go!” Coran pipped, reading the device’s screen. “Yup, just as I thought, you’re right as rain. Other than the usual side effects for a human laying in a bed for a week straight, of course.”

“So… not right as rain?” Lance grinned.

“You’ll just be a bit weakened, nothing a big bowl of food goo and some vigorous exercise can’t help!” Lance thought of the green goop he had never learned to like and suprisingly was excited to get any food in his stomach, regardless of a questionable consistency. He was absolutely famished. “Now! Let’s get down to business.” Coran’s face became just a bit more serious, device settled in his lap and his gaze on Lance. It made him a little uneasy, but he nodded and smiled anyways.

“Sure, sure, what’s up?” He started, already preparing for the worse. At first Lance imagined being forced to step down from the black paladin position, a humiliation he would never be prepared for unless it was Shiro taking his rightful place. Then it was being forced to leave Voltron for good, everyone tired of his constant incompetency regardless of his paladin armor’s color. He didn’t even want to think about the damages he must have caused, the healing pod busted and the entire room flooded.

“Well, I’m sure you’re quite aware of just how serious this outbursts were,” Coran said quietly. “And your reaction to the healing pod is virtually unprecedented, Allura has been searching in the Castle Library for days to find any account of anything similar happening to another Voltron paladin. In order to make sure we can prevent this from happening in the future, we’ll need to hear from your end just what happened.” His voice was soft and paternal, and Lance took a shaky breath and nodded in assent when he was positive that he wouldn’t be forced to leave Voltron or any other horror his mind conjured.

“Yeah, I can do that,” He whispered, unable to help his low voice. “Should I start from the complete beginning?”

“If this reaches back into your past, then it would be for the best,” Coran responded gently. Lance took a deep breath.

He could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (((bad chapter ending pls let me live)))  
> hunk would absolutely say no prob bob. hes just a no prob bob kind of guy.  
> also i love watching my sons be affectionate and brotherly, it gives me life. give me more brotp stuff i demand offerings.


	8. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is super short sorry!! i was just having so much trouble with this chapter i wanted it to be done with. hopefully the next one is longer, hope yall like it tho!!

“I honestly can’t give a concrete beginning,” Lance began, wringing his hands together anxiously. “Like, it kind of started with this song thing that I would hear in my head since before I can remember. I knew-- I know it has to do with the ocean. Or… Water maybe? It’s just, I can’t explain it, but it’s always been there whenever I got too stressed or upset or anything. It stopped when we left Earth, the whole thing with the healing pod is the first time I’ve heard it in months.” He looked up at Coran, who only nodded as if he already knew what Lance had told him.

“What about these powers?” Coran asked lightly. “The freezy freezy stuff? Flooding?”

Lance laughed. “I can’t remember any flooding but there was some… ‘freezy freezy’ stuff, I’m pretty sure. I think I was eleven? And I just remember being so mad. It wasn’t as crazy, I just frosted up a window and the room got cold. There were other times, all pretty similar though.”

“Do you think your powers might be connected to your emotions?” Coran looked genuinely curious but Lance couldn’t help his feeling of being in an interrogation. 

“Uh, maybe. I don’t really know,” Lance fumbled, looking back down at his hands. “Like… I guess? That would make sense probably.”

“It’s fine!” Coran assured, “I’m not expecting you to know any more than the rest of us, really. Would you like to tell me a story?” Coran smiled brightly. “That would be much more fun than questioning, I think.” Lance blinked, slightly caught off guard and scrambling to find something suitable.

“Oh, uh, a lot of them are actually pretty boring… Well, there was this one time, I was like eight or nine and it was one of the hottest summers I remember.” Coran raised an eyebrow. “It was hot and I was super little, basically. I spent everyday at the beach, I could barely stand to be out of the water in that heat.”

_ It was one of the hottest days that summer, even Mama decided to walk the girls to the indoor pool in town. Angel said it was too hot for the beach, ruffling Lance’s hair and heading to the movies with his friends. Mateo called him a chicken and Lance laughed, grabbing his brother’s hand and pulling him along towards the beach. Mateo kept shouting about getting a tan and bringing a fish home but Lance just wanted to be in the water. He said Lance was a fish himself, tugging on his ear when he laughed. Lance’s heart almost burst with happiness and excitement when his chanclas hit the sands. _

_ As happy as he was to be in the sand, it was pure bliss when the cool waters lapped at his legs. The sands burned, even with his chanclas on the heat bit at his toes. He looked back to see Mateo chatting up a girl, she was laughing at some joke he’d made. Lance was going to call them over but the girl waved over a group of passing fishermen and they all started walking towards the docks together. Lance looked back out at the horizon. _

_ The ocean was singing. _

_ Lance laughed, beginning to wade further into the waters and quickly starting to half-swim when the water became too deep for him to stand as the waves rushed in. He rode them like his mother taught him, eyes shut and still smiling bright. The ocean’s song grew louder and louder until Lance was humming along with it, a tune similar but not quite the same. In the water, the sun’s rays felt like a kiss on his cheeks, the wind blowing away the worst of the heat and leaving his face red and tight. The tune kept changing, sometimes it was a slow lullaby that made Lance’s eyes droop but sometimes it was sharp and fast and left him breathless. He could always keep up, always knew when it would change, especially the further he made it towards the horizon. A glimpse behind him showed him the beach, a thin yellow stripe dotted with people and the town’s skyline even further back. Lance laughed as he hummed. _

_ Suddenly the tune became languid, this time he wasn’t prepared for the change as his limbs became heavy and the current became stronger. Lance stopped humming, confused and trying to stay above the water as the current began to drag him down, quickly becoming upset. The ocean’s song grew louder and louder after Lance gasped his last breath, steadily starting to sink into the depths.  _

_ He should have waited for Mateo, he shouldn’t have gone so far out, all of his regrets began rushing together in his head as the water around him grew colder and darker. His lungs began to burn after a minute, his record was five but Lance was scared. It wasn’t long before his mouth opened against his will, sucking in desperately and shuddering as the salt water went down his throat. It felt weird, but it didn’t hurt like Lance thought it would. He felt better. _

_ Lance was still terrified, he still wanted to go home. He thought of Mama and the girls, of Mateo on the beach and Angel at the movies. He thought of his countless cousins, always visiting on the weekends and always excited to see him. His aunts and uncles, giving him kisses and candies and always there with a story or advice. He thought of Mama. _

_ She would be so sad if the sea took him away from her.  _

_ The lullaby was still going steady in his head, even as Lance fought against it. The water felt weird in his lungs, left him coughing and shuddering like he was breathing air for the very first time, but it didn’t hurt anymore. All Lance had to focus on was getting back, he wouldn’t drown so all he needed to do was make it back to shore. _

_ The water was getting cold enough for Lance to start shivering when it suddenly turned warm. It was warmer than even the shallow waters on a hot day, unnaturally warm, and it had the tension drip from Lance’s limbs without his consent. His eyes started to droop again, and this time Lance couldn’t fight it. He felt tears dissolve into the waters and after that it was dark. _

_ He woke up in shadow. Mateo was crouched over him and shaking him, terrified. Suddenly everything caught up to him and Lance rolled over, vomiting seawater and coughing until his lungs were a semblance of anything dry. Mateo was still crouched by him, hand on his back rubbing comforting circles. _

_ “What happened?” Lance croaked, face still turned towards the wet sand. _

_ Mateo huffed. “I turn away for two goddamn seconds and I come back to see you on the horizon, a brown little fucking spec.” Mateo cursed too much, when Mama wasn’t pinching his ear she was lamenting over how hard Mateo tried to be cool. “I went to go get help and came back to find you’ve washed ashore like a beached whale. You’re half fish half boy, I think.”  _

_ A week later, Lance told Mama what happened. Mateo made him promise he wouldn’t tell anyone but he couldn’t resist. She looked so sad when he was done. _

_ “All things borne of the sea will always return to it. That is the way of life, mijo.” _

Coran hummed, pulling Lance out of the reverie.

“Yeah, uh. She never explained what it meant so. That’s all I have.” Lance’s hands were sweating, and he just wanted the conversation to be over. He would never say anything though, after the travesty that was his attempt at leadership the least he could do was try to give them answers.

“That was an incredible story,” Coran smiled. “I think I’ve gathered all I need. I’ll need to talk to Allura, and you two will probably need to have a conversation after we’ve finished but other than that you’re free to go!” He stood up and gave Lance a pat on his shoulder.

“That’s it? I can leave?” Lance asked warily.

“Of course!” Coran called over his shoulder. “Rest well, Lance!” 

Lance huffed. There was no way he was going back to sleep, not after a week and a half of being completely useless. And he was  _ starving,  _ the first thing he was doing would be scarfing down as much food goo as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter ending is abrupt because i wanted this thing out of my face as soon as possible lol sorry


	9. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sidhfkjshdkjfh im so sorry this is so late!!! its extra big because im extra sorry, hope you all like it!!!

Lance had only just gotten finished with his food goo when Allura popped around the corner. Hunk’s tangent about croissants trailed off when she approached them.

“Paladins,” She greeted coolly, every inch of royalty in her tone as always. Lance hoped she was doing okay. “I know it is quite late, I only need a moment with Lance.” The _alone_ was implied and once more Hunk whisked himself away, leaving Lance to fend for himself.

“Allura,” Lance smiled, “What can I do for ya?”

Before responding, she sat down across from him, folding her hands in her lap primly. “I only wish to inquire upon your health, the past spicolian movement has been quite hectic.” Lance immediately could tell Allura wasn’t just here for his clean bill of health. He sighed.

“Yeah, I’m right as rain according to Coran. Have you two spoken yet?” Lance assumed he would at least get to sleep before Allura confronted him with whatever the two Alteans discussed.

“Did he say he was going to speak with me?” Allura blinked. “I have not seen him yet, although I have been quite all over the place. Perhaps he did not find me.”

“Uh, yeah. I don’t really know,” Lance responded awkwardly. “I’m assuming you want to ask me other stuff, though, so. Shoot.” She looked perplexed and Lance quickly corrected himself. “Ask away, I mean. Earth thing.”

Allura hummed. “Strange. You are correct, however. I have had time to think and I’ve only been able to assume that you know no more than we do. Is this true?” She leaned forward ever so slightly, betraying her calm demeanor. Allura was just as eager to know as Lance was.

“You got me,” Lance grinned, leaning back. He knew that playing cool was probably the worst thing he could do but it was the only thing in his arsenal when he felt cornered. “If you want to go full on investigation, you should probably talk to Coran first. He had first grabs, and I kind of don’t feel like repeating all that stuff.”

Allura looked understandably annoyed at his lax attitude but nodded in assent. “I see. I’ll go look for him, then.” She moved as to stand up but suddenly froze, looking uncertain. “There is… one more thing I would like to address with you, Lance.”

“Go ahead,” He rushed to respond, caught off guard by her uncertainty.

“You are now the black paladin. There is no need for me to remind you that the position is temporary, if you had any intentions of replacing Shiro then the Black Lion would surely reject you.” She paused, looking down at the table for a split second before returning her gaze to him. “That means we are partners. We must be able to completely trust one another in order to properly lead Voltron. So far I have allowed my emotions to blind me, I became closed off out of fear and irritable out of despair. In this I have failed you as a partner. As a friend.” There was a moment of silence that stretched just a second too long, Lance scrambling to register the outpour of emotions and respond.

“Um,” Lance started. “I mean-- Allura, you shouldn’t feel bad like--” He laughed, trying not to feel uncomfortable. “Like, we all responded to Shiro’s absence differently. And me becoming black paladin? Even if it’s temporary, it’s a huge change to adjust to, dude. I don’t blame you.” He tried to reach back to those times Allura’s words hit a little too close to home, when they really hurt, but his mind was a frenzy trying to process everything that was happening and all he could think of was how genuine Allura looked.

“I… Thank you, Lance,” She smiled, small and sweet. “I seem to see past more and more layers of that shell with every conversation we have.” Lance felt a toothy smile stretch across his face, gooey happiness seeping into him. As much as he depended on hiding, it felt good to see someone was trying to find him out. Allura was the most admirable person Lance knew, he forgot how much he valued her opinion.

“Layers? Like an onion?” He joked, trying to offset all the emotions. Allura raised an eyebrow and Lance waved her off with a grin, “It’s an Earth thing, nevermind.”

Allura responded bemusedly, still smiling. “Alright. Sleep well, paladin.” Lance nodded and watched her exit the room, knowing full well he wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. He thought about seeing if Hunk was still awake, but he knew that would be a bad idea. Hunk needed his sleep, he was probably exhausted.

Lance remembered what Hunk had said about the team. He definitely needed to have a talk with all of them at some point, but first he wanted to talk to Pidge and Keith. They didn’t even know Lance had woken up.

Pidge’s room was the closest so Lance got himself to stand and stretch before heading in their direction. It was only when he was standing outside the familiar metal door did he remember how late it was.

“Fuck,” He whispered, staring at the ceiling. Pidge had always been a night owl, but Lance really didn’t want to bother them this late. “Stop being a baby, you baby,” He grumbled. Before he could think about it too much, he raised a fist and knocked loudly. He didn’t expect anything, so he wasn’t surprised when there was no response for minutes.

Lance jumped about three feet into the air when the door _whooshed_ open.

“Who the fuck--” Pidge began angrily, fumbling with their glasses. They stopped mid sentence when they saw him. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Lance allowed himself a toothy grin at the familiar sight of a sleep deprived Pidge. “I know. I was dead, but God was like, _Lance is way too cool to die, that was my bad y’all,_ and sent me back. Like--” He stopped to laugh. “Like Jesus but better.”

“Every time you speak I lose another ten brain cells,” Pidge groaned, but they were smiling widely. “Are you okay? How’re you feeling, dude?”

“For like half an hour I straight up could not walk, I looked like a baby deer with a broken leg--”

“Baby deer? You mean a fawn, jackass?” Pidge laughed.

Lance snorted. “Yeah okay, Dr. Scientist, whatever. Anyways, I’m feelin’ pretty peachy. You?”

“Did you really come to my room in the middle of the night to talk about our feelings?” They snarked in response. “I’m fine, man. Go and rest or something--”

“I’ve been resting for like an entire--”

“Well Keith’s probably awake, go bother him, I am _programming--”_

“It’s the middle of the night! Have you been slee--”

“Okay, _mom,_ I’ll go sleep if you fuck off. Deal?” Pidge said, trying not to smile. Lance wanted to talk about what had happened but even he could tell he wouldn’t get anywhere tonight.

“Hmm… Only if I get a guarantee that you’ll be eating at least twice a day,” He responded, deciding to make the most out of it.

“Jesus, fine--”

“Deal!” Lance grinned, already turning to make his way down the corridor. “Sleep tight, you little gremlin,” He shouted over his shoulder, laughing at Pidge’s shouts of obscenities.

* * *

He ended up wandering the Castle’s halls, a bone deep exhaustion creeping into his notice. The thought of laying down to sleep after staying stagnant for so long made his eye twitch, so he kept walking. The Castle was so big that the bright blue lit halls seemed never ending, an entire world squished into a liminal space.

Lance didn’t keep track of how long he walked, only that it had been a long time. He stopped floating around like a ghost when he noticed he was approaching Keith’s door.

 _Wonder how mullet boy’s doing,_ Lance thought, eyeing the door up and down. Before his mind caught up with him, he knocked on the door hesitantly. After two minutes Lance laughed.

“He’s probably sleeping, you fucking jackass,” he said to himself, running a hand over his face tiredly. His options were slimming out, as enchanting wandering the halls was Lance was growing bored and sleep was looking more and more enticing. The only other thing he could do was train, which was the most practical option out of all of them. He should’ve been training hours ago.

Feeling embarrassed, Lance walked briskly to the training room. He would have laughed at how close it was to Keith’s room if he wasn’t so tired. He was almost there when he started to hear grunts and metallic clangs and immediately he knew it was Keith.

“Of course he is,” Lance groaned. “Of course Keith is training in the middle of the night.” He slowed his walk to a casual stroll as he entered the room, wincing at what he saw. Keith was getting his ass _beat_ by four gladiator bots, and there was a trickle of blood dripping down steadily from his hairline that particularly worried Lance.

“End training sequence,” Lance called out loudly. Keith was on his knees, facing away from lance and trying to stand when the gladiators started falling away. Once they were gone he fell forward, propping himself up with a shaky arm. He didn’t seem to notice Lance’s presence at first. “Hey, buddy,” Lance said hesitantly, walking over to him. “You good?”

“Does it look like I’m good?” Keith snarked, shifting so that he could lean back. Lance walked around him so that they were face to face. “Why’d you-- Oh.” His mouth fell open to form an O and he didn’t say anything as Lance kneeled down.

“Yeah, man, I woke up. Did you not hear me?” Lance grinned, reaching out to grab the sides of his arms. “Let’s get you to the medbay, you look pretty banged up.”

“Lance,” Keith grunted softly, allowing himself to be manhandled into a standing position. “I-- You-- How long?”

“How long have I been awake?” Lance responded, turning both of them towards the door. He kept a grip on Keith’s arm. “I honestly don’t know, maybe a couple of hours. A better question would be how long have _you_ been awake. Rest assured your ass is being wrangled into a bed as soon as I know you haven’t given yourself a concussion,” Lance said, looking straight ahead. Seeing Keith all messed up made him feel bad.

Keith said nothing as they walked the long trip to the medbay, but Lance could feel his eyes on him. It made his neck prickle, the strange sensation of being observed. He felt like he’d forgotten how to make his face look normal, focusing on keeping a blush off his face and blaming it all on tiredness as he felt Keith’s bicep mechanically flex and unflex in his hand. Lance pretended that Keith was trying to show off how strong he was and had to choke down hysteric sleepy laughter. He really needed at least a nap.

The medbay was completely empty when they arrived. Lance half hoped for Coran to be standing there, checking the readings on a pod so he could drop Keith off and retreat back to safety, but there was no mustache in sight.

“Alright, buddy,” Lance said, releasing his grip on Keith’s arm. “I know I’m not good with like pretty much anything, but I’ve picked up a few things from helping Coran so we’re gonna get you checked out nice and quick.” He saw Keith’s eyebrows furrow in his peripheral, causing a sigh to bubble up and out of Lance. “Don’t worry, you big angry baby, I’m just gonna wave a little gadget over you and it’s gonna beep at me to let me know what’s up.”

“That’s not-- Why are we even doing this?” Keith said, voice gravelly and far too attractive for Lance’s sleepy little brain to handle. He decidedly avoided eye contact before responding, looking for the tiny scanner as he filed away his completely wild reaction.

“Um, cause I pretty much slept for like two weeks and now that I’m finally awake everyone want’s me to go back to sleep and I should probably listen because Christ I really am tired but I’ve missed so much I might as well, like, do what I can around here and you are just so intent on burning up in all that anger of yours I just wanted t--” Lance stopped himself and took a deep breath, looking at the wall in front of him and sending out a silent thank you to the universe that he was facing away from Keith. He really just loved to pour his heart out when he was tired.

Keith was silent and Lance started to think about how well he could fake a coma.

“Okay, so we’re just gonna-- Uh--” Lance fumbled to fill the silence, finally spotting the scanner he needed and snatching it with a vengeance. “We’re gonna pretend that I don’t ramble when I’m tired. Sit on one of the tables.” Lance turned around to see Keith red in the face with an unreadable expression, following his instruction without complaint. He held in a sigh, resigning himself to an awkward silence as he ran the scan over his teammate.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Keith suddenly spoke, voice low and still infuriatingly rough. Lance immediately thought he was talking about his embarrassing tangent and started to refuse before Keith cut him off. “About the magic stuff, I mean.”

Lance sighed in relief. “Yeah, that was actually what I’ve been meaning to talk about with everyone. I don’t really--” The scanner started beeping and a list of Altean text popped up on it’s translucent screen.

“Can you read that?” Keith asked, eyes squinting at the squiggles.

“Oh, hell no,” Lance laughed airily. “I leave that shit to Hunk and Pidge. It just beeps differently depending on how bad the person is doing, and those beeps were pretty happy sounding so I’d say you’re good.” Lance kept looking at the letters, strangely pretty and enchanting when Keith’s bark of sudden laughter made him jump.

“Holy shit, dude,” He laughed, hand rubbing at his eye. “You have to be joking.”

“Hey, I am a literal expert in beepy noises,” Lance responded with mock seriousness, trying and failing to suppress a grin. “You still might wanna check in with Coran but, like, the beeps do not lie, Keith.” The more he talked, the harder it was to keep his laughter down and by the end he was laughing just as hard.

Neither of them stopped laughing, looking at how stupid the other looked and laughing even harder until they were both in tears. It was one of Lance’s more moronic moments but he couldn’t help the happiness that bubbled up inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was going to be even longer but i cut myself off lmao i suck at chapter planning/ending like OOOOPS hope u guys liked it anyways though >:333

**Author's Note:**

> klance will be extremely slow burn, just cause i wanna focus on my baby lance


End file.
